Source text for this digital edition:
Stevenson, William (?) Gammer Gurton’s Needle. 1575. [online] In: Mueller, Martin (gen. ed.) Shakespeare His Contemporaries Northwestern University. [Accessed: 28 October 2016]

Note on this digital edition

This electronic transcription comes from the original-spelling text in the Shakespeare His Contemporaries project, which offers curated versions of texts from Early English Books Online - Text Creation Partnership. It differs in textual corrections (detailed in the appendix) made with reference to the transcription in the English Drama collection published by Chadwyck-Healey, and in assigning role identifiers to speakers. This curation has been carried out by Sonia Sofía Perelló.
The SHC source text has been re-encoded by Jesús Tronch Pérez in order to be used in the databases of the EMOTHE project and of the HIERONIMO project.
As from October 2017 the Shakespeare His Contemporaries site is obsolete and its project is incorporated into EarlyPrint.

With the support of research project GVAICO2016-094, funded by Generalitat Valenciana (2016-2017).

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A Ryght
Pithy, Pleasaunt and me
rie Comedie: In-
tytuled Gammer gur-
tons Nedle: Played on
stage, not longe
ago in Chri-
stes
College in Cambdrige.

Made by Mr. S. Mr. of Art.

Imprynted at London in
Fleetstreat beneth the Con-
duit at the signe of S. Iohn
Euangelist by Tho-
mas Colwell.

¶The names of the Speakers in this Comedie.

¶Diccon the Bedlem.

¶Hodge Gammer Gurtons seruante.

¶Tyb Gammer Gurtons mayde.

¶Gammer Gurton.

¶Docke Gammer Gurtons boye.

¶Dame Chatte,

¶Doctor Rat the Curate.

¶Mayster Baylye.

¶Doll Dame Chattes mayde.

¶Scapethryft mayst Beylies seruante.

¶Mutes

¶God Saue the Queene.

¶ The Prologue.

AS Gamer Gurton, with manye a wyde styche
Sat pesynge & patching of Hodgher mās briche
By chance or misfortune as shes her grare test
In Hodge lether bryches her needle shee lost,
When Diccon the bedlem had hard by report
That good Gamer Gurton was robde in thys sorte,
He quyetly perswaded with her in that stound
Dame Chat her deare gossyp this needle had found,
Yet knew shee no more of this matter (alas)
Then knoeth Tom our clarke what the Priest saith at masse
Here of there ensued so fearfull a fraye,
Mas Doctor was sent for these gossyps to staye,
Because he was Curate, and estemed full wyse
Who found that he sought not, by Diccous deuice,
When all thinges were tombled and cleane out of fassion
Whether it were by fortune, or some other constellacion
Sodenlye the neele Hodge found by the prickynge
And drew it out of his bottocke where he felt it stickynge
Theyr hartes then at rest with perfect securytie,
With a pot of good nale they stroake vp theyr plauditie.

¶ The fyrst Acte.

The fyrst Sceane.

¶ Diccon.

Diccon

MAny a myle haue I walked, diuers and sundry waies

And many a good mās house haue I bin at in my daies

Many a gossips cup in my tyme haue I tasted

And many a broche and spyt, haue I both turned and basted

Many a peece of bacon haue I had out of thir balkes

In ronnyng ouer the countrey, with long and were walkes,

Yet came my foote neuer, within those doore cheekes,

To seeke flesh or fysh, Garlyke, Onyons or Leckes.

That euer I saw a sorte, in such a plyght

As here within this house appereth to my syght,

There is howlynge and scowlyng, all cast in adumpe,

With whewling and pewling, as though they had lost a trump

Syghing and sobbing, they weepe and they wayle

I maruell in my mynd, what the deuill they ayle

The olde Trot syts groning, with alas and alas,

And Tib wringes her hands, and takes on in worse case

With poore Cocke theyr boye, they be dryuen in such fyts

I feare mee the folkes be not well in theyr wyts,

Aske them what they ayle, or who brought them in this staye?

They aunswer not at all, but alacke and welaway

Whan I saw it booted not, out at doores I hyed mee

And caught a slyp of Bacon, when I saw that none spyed mee,

Which I intend not far hence, vnles my purpose fayle

Shall serue for a shoinghorne to draw on two pots of ale.

¶ The fyrst Arte. The second Sceane.

Hodge. Diccon.

Hodge

SEe so cham arayed with dablynge in the durt

She that set me to ditchinge, ich wold she had the squrt

Was neuer poore soule that such a life had?

Gogs bones thys vylthy glaye hase drest mee to bad

Gods soule, see how this stuffe teares

Iche were better to bee a Bearward and set to keepe Beares

By the Masse here is a gasshe, a shamefull hole in deade

And one stytch teare furder, a man may thruste in his heade.

Diccon

¶ By my fathers soule Hodge, if I shulde now besworne

I can not chuse but say thy breech is foule be torne,

But the next remedye in such a case and hap

Is to plaunche on a piece, as brode as thy cap.

Hodge

¶ Gogs soule man, tis not yet two dayes fully ended

Synce my dame Gurton (them sure) these breches amended,

But cham made suce a drudge to trudge at euery neede

Chwold rend it though it were stitched what sturdy pacthreede,

Diccon

¶ Hoge, let thy breeches go, and speake and tell mee soone

What deuill ayleth gāmer gurton, & Tib her mayd to frowne,

Hodge

¶ Tush man thart deceyued, tys theyr dayly looke,

They coure so ouer the coles, theyr eyes be bleard with smooke,

Diccon

¶ Nay by the masse, I perfectly perceiued as I came hether

That eyther Tib & her dame hath ben by the cares to gether

Or els as great a matter as thou shalt shortly see.

Hodge

¶ Now iche besceche our Lord they neuer better agree.

Diccon

¶ By gogs soule there they syt as still as stones in the streite

As though they had ben takē with fairies or els with some il sprite

Hodge

¶ Gogs hart, I durst haue layd my cap to a crowne

Chwould lerne of some prancome as sone as ich came to town.

Diccon

¶ Why Hodge art thou inspyred? or dedst thou therof here?

Hodge

¶ Nay, but ich saw such a wonder as ich saw nat this. vii. yere

Tome Tannkards Cow (be gogs bones) she set me vp her saile

And flynging about his halfe aker fysking with her taile,

As though there had ben in her ars a swarme of Bees,

And chad not cryed tphrowh hoore, shead lept out of his Lees.

Diccon

¶ Why Hodg lies the connyng in Tom tankards cowes taile?

Hodge

¶ Well ich chaue hard some say such tokens do not fayle,

But cast thou not till in faith Diccon, why she frownes or wher at

Hath no man stolne her Ducks or Henes, or gelded gyb her Cat

Diccon

¶ What deuyll can I tell man, I cold not haue one word

They gaue no more hede to my talk then thou woldst to a lorde

Hodge

¶ Iche can not styll but muse, what meruaylous thinge it is

Chyll in and know my selfe what matters are amys.

Diccon.

¶ Then farewell hodge a while, synce thou doest inward hast,

For I will into the good wyfe Chats, to feele how the ale dooth taste.

¶ The fyrst Acre. The thyrd Sceane.

¶ Hodge. Tyb.

Hodge

CHam agast by the masse, ich wot not what to do

Chad nede blesse me well before ich go them to

Perchaunce some felon sprit may haunt our house indeed,

And then chwere but at noddy to venter where cha no neede

Tib,

¶ Cham worse then mad by the masse to be at this staye

Cham chyd, cham blamd, and beat on all thoures on the daye,

Lamed and hunger storued, prycked vp all in Iagges

Hauyng no patch to hyde my backe, saue a few rotten ragges.

Hodge

¶ I say Tyb, if thou be Tyb, as I trow sure thou bee,

What deuyll make a doe is this, betweene our dame and thee.

Tyb.

¶ Gogs breade Hodg thou had a good turne thou warte not here this whyle.

It had ben better for some of vs to haue ben hence a myle

My Gammer is so out of course, and frantyke all at ones

That Cocke our boy, I poore wench, haue felt it on our bones.

Hodge

¶; What is the matter, say on Tib wherat she taketh so on.

Tyb.

¶ She is vndone she sayth (alas,) her ioye and life is gone

If shee here not of some comfort, she is sayth but dead

Shall neuer come within her lyps, one inch of meate ne bread.

Hodge

¶ Byr Ladie cham not very glad, to see her in this dumpe

Cholde a noble her stole hath fallen, & shee hath broke her rumpe

Tyb.

¶ Nay and that were the worst, we wold not greatly care

For bursting of her huckle bone, or breakyng of her Chaire,

But greatter, greater, is her grief, as hodge we shall all feele.

Hodge

¶ Gogs woundes Tyb, my gammer has neuer lost her Neele?

Tyb.

¶ Her Neele.

Hodge

¶ Her Neele?

Tyb,

¶ Her neele by him that made me, it is true Hodge I tell thee.

Hodge

¶ Gogs sacrament, I would she had lost, tharte out of her bellie

The Deuill or els his dame, they ought her sure a shame

How a murryon came this chaunce, (say Tib) vnto our dame?

Tyb

¶ My gāmer sat her downe on her pes, & had me reach thy breeches

100

And by & by, a vengeāce in it or she had take two stitches

To clap a clout vpon thine ars, by chaunce a syde she leares

And gyb our cat in the milke pan, she spied ouer head and eares

Ah hore, out these, she cryed aloud, & swapt the breches downe

Up went her staffe, and out leapt gyb, at doors into the towne

105

And synce that time was neuer wyght, cold set their eies vpō it

Gogs malison chaue Cocke and I, byd twenty times light on it.

Hodge

¶ And is not thē my breches sewid vp, to morow that I shuld were

Tyb

¶ No in faith hodge thy breeches lie for al this neuer the nere.

Hodge

¶ Now a vegeauce light on al the sort, that better shold haue kept it,

110

The cat, the house, and tib our maid, that better shold haue swept it

Se where we cōmeth crawling, come on in twenty deuils way

Ye haue made a fayre daies worke, haue you not? pray you say.

¶ The fyrest Acte. The .iiii. Sceane.

¶ Gammer. Hodge. Tyb. Cocke.

Gammer

ALas hoge, alas. I may well cursse and ban

This daie that euer I saw it, with gyb and the mylke pan

115

For these and ill lucke to gather, as knoweth Cocke my boye

Haue stacke away my deare neele, and robd me of my love

My fayre longe strayght nedle that was myne onely treasure

The fyrst day of my sorow is, and last end of my pleasure.

Hodge

¶ Might ha kept it when ye had it, but fooles will be fooles styll.

120

Lose that is vast in your handes, ye neede not but ye will.

Gāmer

¶ Go hie thee tib, and run thou hoore, to thend here of the towne

Didst cary out dust in thy lap seeke wher thou porest it downe

And as thou sawest me roking, in the asshes where I morned

So see in all the heape of dust, thou leaue no straw vnturned.

Tyb

125

¶ That chal gammer swythe and tyte, and sone be here agayne,

Gāmer

¶ Tib stoope & loke downe to the ground to it, & take some paine.

Hodge

¶ Here is a prety matter, to see this gere how it goes

By gogs soule I thenk you wold loes your ars, and it were loose

Your neele lost, it is pitie you shold lack care and endlesse sorow

130

Gogs deth how shall my breches be sewid, shall I go thus to morow

Gāmer

¶ Ah hodg, hodg, if that ich cold find my neele by the reed

Chould sow thy brechee ich promise ye, with full good double threed

And set a patch on either knee, shuld last this monethes twaine

Now god & good Saint Sithe I praye, to send it home againe.

Hodge

135

¶ Wherto serued your hands & eies, but this your neele to kepe

What deuill had you els to doe ye kept ich wot no sheepe

Cham faine a brode to dyg and delue, in water, myre and claye

Sossing and possing in the durte, styll from day to daye

A hundred thinges that be abrode, cham set to see them weele

140

And foure of you syt idle at home, and can not keepe a neele.

Gāmer

¶ My neele alas ich lost it hodge, what time ich me vp hasted

To saue the milke set vp for the, which gib our cat hath wasted

Hodge

¶ The Deuill he burst both gib, and Tib, with all the rest

Cham alwayes sure of the worst end, who euer haue the best

145

Where ha you ben fidging abrode, since you your neele lost

Gāmer

¶ Within the house, and at the dore, sitting by this same post

Wher I was loking a long howre, before these folks came here,

But welaway, all was in vayne, my neele is neuer the nere.

Hodge

¶ Set me a candle let me seeke and grope where euer it bee

150

Gogs hart ye be so folish (ich thinke) you knowe it not when you it see

Gāmer

¶ Come hether Cocke, what Cocke I say.

Cocke.

¶ Howe Gammer.

Gāmer

¶ Goe hye thee soone, and grope behynd the old brasse pan,

Whych thing when thou hast done

155

Ther shalt thou fynd an old shooe, wher in if thou looke well

Thou shalt fynd lyeng an inche of a whyte tallow candell,

Lyght it, and brynge it tite awaye.

Cocke.

¶ That shalbe done anone.

Gāmer

¶ Nay tary hodg til thou hast light, and then weele seke ech one.

Hodge

160

¶ Cum away ye horson boy, are ye a slepe: ye must haue a crier.

Cocke.

¶ Ich cannot get the candel light here is almost no fier.

Hodge

¶ Chil hold the a peny chil make that come if that ich may catch thine eares

Art deffe thou horson boy cocke I say, why canst not heares.

Gāmer

¶ Beate hym not Hodge but help the boy and come you two together.

¶ The .i. Acte. The .v. Sceane.

¶ Gammer. ¶ Tyb, ¶ Cocke. ¶ Hodge.

Gāmer

165

HOw now Tyb, quycke lets here, what newes thou hast brought hether.

Tyb.

¶ Chaue tost and tumbled yender heap our & ouer againe

And winowed it through my fingers, as mē wold winow grain

Not so much as a hens turd but in pieces I tare it

Or what so euer clod or clay I found, I did not spare it

170

Lokyng within and eke without, to fynd your neele (alas)

But all in vaine and without help, your neele is where it was.

Gāmer

¶ Alas my neele we shall neuer meete, adue, adue for aye.

Tyb.

¶ Not so gammer, we myght it fynd if we knew where it laye.

Cocke.

¶ Gogs crosse Gammer if ye will laugh looke in but at the doore

175

And see how Hodg lieth tomblynge and tossing amids the floure

Rakyng there some fayre to find amonge the asshes dead

Where there is not one sparke, so byg as a pyns head,

At last in a darke corner two sparkes he thought he sees

Which where indede nought els but Gyb our cats two eyes

180

Puffe quod hodg thinking therby to haue fyre without doubt

With that Gyb shut her two eyes, & so the fyre was out

And by and by them opened, euen as they were before,

With that the sparkes appered euen as they had done of yore,

And euen as hodge blew the fire as he did thincke

185

Gyb as she felt the blast strayght way began to wyncke,

Tyll Hodge fell of swering, as came best to his turne,

The fier was sure bewicht, and therfore wold not burne:

At last Gyb vp the slayers, among the old postes and pinnes,

And Hodge he hied him after till broke were both his shinnes:

190

Cursynge and swering othes, were neuer of his makyng,

That Gyb wold fyre the house, if that shee were not taken.

Gāmer

¶ See here is all the thought that the foolysh Urchyn taketh,

And Lyb me thinke at his elbowe almost as mery maketh

This is all the wyt ye haue when others make their mone,

195

Come downe Hodge, where art thou and let the Cat alone.

Hodge

¶ Gogs harte, help and come vp, Gyb in her tayle hath fyre.

And is like to burne all if shes get a lytle hier:

Cum downe (quoth you,) nay then you might count me a patch,

The soule cometh downe on your heads if it take ons that thatch.

Gāmer

200

¶ It is the cats eyes foole that shineth in the darke.

Hodge

¶ Hath the Cat do you thinke in euery eye a sparke.

Gamer

¶ No, but they shyne as lyke fyre as euer man see.

Hodge

¶ By the masse and she burne all, yoush beare the blame for mee

Gāmer

¶ Cum downe & help to seeke here our neele that it were found

205

Downe Tyb on tho knees I say, downe Cocke to the ground.

to God I make a vowe, and so to good Saint Anne

A candell shall they haue a peece, get it where I can,

It I may my neele find in one place or in other.

Hodge

¶ Now a vengeaunce on gib lyght, on gyb and gybs mother

210

And all the generacyon of Cats both far and nere

Looke on the ground horson thinks thou the neele is here.

Cocke.

¶ By my trouth gammer me thought your nedle here I saw

But when my fyngers toucht it, I felt it was a straw.

Tyb

¶ See Hodge whats tys, may it not be within it,

Hodge

215

¶ Breake it foole with thy hand and see and thou canst fynde it.

Tyb

¶ Nay breake it you Hodge accordyng to your word.

Hodge

¶ Gogs sydes, fye it styncks: it is a Cats tourd,

it were well done to make thee eare it by the masse.

Gāmer

¶ This matter amendeth not my nedle is still where it wasse

220

Our candle is at an ende let vs all in quight

and come another tyme, when we haue more lyght

The ii. Acte.

Fyrste a Songe.

¶ Backe and syde go bare, go bare,

booth foote and hande go colde:

But Bellye god sende thee good ale ynoughe,

225

whether it be newe or olde.

I Can not eate, but lytle meate,

my stomacke is not good:

But sure I thinke, that I can drytke

with him that weares a hood.

230

Thoughe I go bare, take ye no care,

I am nothinge a colde:

I stufte my skyll, so full within,

of ioly good Ale and olde.

Backe and syde go bare, go bare,

235

booth foote and hand go colde:

But belly god send the good ale inoughe

whether it be new or olde.

I loue no rost, but a nut browne toste

and a Crab layde in the fyre,

240

A lytle bread, shall do me stead

much breade I not desyre:

No froste nor snow, no winde I trowe

can hurte mee if I wolde,

I am so wrapt, and throwly lapt

245

of ioly good ale and olde.

Backe and syde go bare. &c.

And Tyb my wyfe, that as her lyfe

loueth well good ale to seeke,

Full ofte drynkes shee, tyll ye may see

250

the teares run downe her cheekes:

Then dooth she trowle, to mee the bowle

euen as a mault worme shuld,

And sayth sweete hart, I tooke my part

of this ioly good ale and olde.

255

Backe and syde go bare. &c.

Now let them drynke, tyll they nod and winke,

euen as good felowes shoulde doe

They shall not mysse, to haue the blisse,

good ale doth bringe men to:

260

And all poore soules that haue scowred boules

or haue them lustely trolde,

God saue the lyues, of them and theyr wyues

whether they be yonge or olde.

Backe and syde go bare. &c.

The fyrst Sceane.

¶ Diccon. Hodge.

Diccon

265

WEll done be Gogs malt, well songe and well sayde,

Come on mother Chat as thou art true mayde,

One fresh pot of ale lets see to make an ende

Agaynst this colde wether my naked armes to defende,

This gere it warms the soule, now wind blow on the worst,

270

And let vs drink and swill, till that our bellies burste

Now were he a wyse man, by cunnynge colde defyne

Which way my Iourney lyeth or where Dyccon will dyne

But one good turne I haue, be it by nyght or daye

South, East, North or west, I am neuer out of my waye.

Hodge

275

¶ Chym goodly rewarded, cham I not, do you thyncke?

Chad a goodly dynner for all my sweate and swyncke,

Neyther butter cheese, mylke onyons fleshe nor fyshe

Saue thys poor pece of barly bread, tis a pleasant costly dishe.

Diccon

¶ Haile fellow Hodge & will to face, with thy meat, if thou haue any!

280

But by thy words as I thē smelled, thy daintrels be not manye.

Hodge

¶ Daintrels diccō (gogs soule mā (saue this pece of dry horsbred,

Cha byt no byt this lyue longe daie, no crome come in my hed

My gutts they yawle crawle and all my belly rumbleth

The puddynges can not lye still, ech one ouer other tumbleth

285

By gogs harte cham so verte, and in my belly pende

Chould one peece were at the spittlehouse another at the castels ende.

Diccon

¶ Why hodge, was there none at home thy dinner for to set:

Hodge

¶ Godgs bread Diccon ich came to late, was nothing ther to get

Gib (a fowle feind might on her light (lickt the milke pan so clene

290

See Diccon, twas not so well washt this .vii. yere as ich were

A pestilence lyght on all ill lucke, chad thought yet for all thys

Of a morsell of bacon behynde the hore at worst shuld not misse,

But when ich sought a slyp to cut, as ich was wont to do

Gogs soule Diccon, gyb our Cat had eate the bacon to.

295

Which bacon Diccon stole, as is declared before.

Diccon

¶ Ill luck quod he, mary swere it hodg, this day the trueth to tel

Thou rose not on thy right syde, or els blest thee not wel.

Thy mylk slopt vp, thy bacō filtched, that was to bad luck hodg.

Hodge

¶ Nay, nay, ther was a fowler fault, my gāmer game the dogde

300

Seest not how chā rent & torn, my heels, my knees & my breech

Chad thought as ich sat by the fire, help here & there a stitch,

But there ich was powpte indeede.

Diccon

¶ Why Hodge?

Hodge

¶ Bootes not man to tell,

305

Cham so drest amonst a sorte of fooles, chad better be in hell,

My gammer (cham ashamed to say) by god serued me not weele

Diccon

¶ How so Hodge?

Hodge

¶ Hase she not gone trowest now and lost her neele.

Diccon

¶ Her Eele Hodge, who fysht of late? that was a dainty dysh.

Hodge

310

¶ Tush tush, her neele, her neele, her neele man.

(tys neyther flesh nor fysh.

A lytle thing with an hole in the end, as bright as any syller,

Small, longe, sharpe at the poynt, & straight as any pyller.

Diccon

¶ I know not what a deuil thou mēest, thou bringst me more in doubt

Hodge

315

¶ Knowest not with what tom tailers mā, fits broching throughe a clout

A neele, neele, a neele, my gammers neele is gone.

Diccon

¶ Her neele Hodge, now I smel thee, that was a chaunce alone,

By the masse thou hadst a shamefull losse, & it wer but for that breeches

Hodge

¶ Gogs soule man chould giue a crown chad it but iii. stitches.

Diccon

320

¶ How sayest thou Hodg, what shuld he haue, again thy nedle got

Hodge

¶ Gem vathers soule, and chad it chould giue him a new grot.

Diccon

¶ Canst thou keepe counsaile in this case.

Hodge

¶ Els chwold my thonge were out.

Diccon

¶ Do than but then by my aduise, & I will fetch it without doubt,

Hodge

325

¶ Chyll runne, chyll ryde, chyll dygge, chyl delue,

(chill toyle, chill trudge shalt see:

Chill hold chil drawe, chil pull, chill pynche

(chill kneele on my bare knee.

Chill scrape, chill scratche, chill syfte, chyll seeke,

330

(chill bowe, chill bende, chill sweate.

Chil stoop, chil stur, chil cap chil knele, chil crepe on hāds & feete,

Chil be thy bondman Diccon, ich sweare by sunne and moone

And channot sum what to stop this gap, cham vtterly vndone

Pointing behind to his torne kreeches.

Diccon

335

¶ Why, is ther any special cause, thou takest hereat such sorow

Hodge

¶ Kirstian Clack Tom simsons maid, bi the masse coms hether to morow

Cham not able to say, betweene vs what may hap,

She smyled on me the last sonday when ich put of my cap,

Diccon

¶ Well Hodge this is a matter of weight, & must be kept close,

340

It might els turne to both our costes as the world now gose,

Shalt sware to be no blab Hodge.

Hodge

¶ Chyll Diccon.

Diccon

¶ Then go to,

Lay thine hand here, say after me as thou shalt here me do

345

Haste no booke?

Hodge

¶ Cha no booke I.

Diccon

¶ Then needes must force vs both,

Upon my breech to lay thine hand, and there to take thine othe.

Hodge

¶ I Hodge breethelesse,

350

Sweare to Diccon rechelesse

By the crosse that I shall kysse,

To kepe his counsaile close

And alwayes me to dispose

To worke that his pleasure is.

¶ Here he kyssech Diccons breeche.

Diccon.

355

¶ Now Hodge see thou take heede

And do as I thee byd

For so I iudge it meete,

This nedle againe to win

There is no shift therin

360

But coniure vp a spreete.

Hodge

¶ What the great deuill Diccon I saye?

Diccon

¶ Yea in good faith, that is the waye,

Fet with some prety charme.

Hodge

¶ Softe Diccon be not to hasty yet,

365

By the masse for ich begyn to sweat

Cham afrayde of syme harme.

Diccon

¶ Come hether then and sturre the nat

One inche out of this Cyrcle plat

But stande as I thee teache.

Hodge

370

¶ And shall ich be here safe from theyr clawes:

Diccon

¶ The mayster deuill with his longe pawes

Here to thee can not reache:

Now will I settle me to this geare.

Hodge

¶ I saye Diccon, heare me, heare:

375

Go softely to thys matter.

Diccon

¶ What deuyll man, art afraide of nought

Hodge

¶ Canst not tarrye a lytle thought

Tyll ich make a curtesie of water.

Diccon

¶ Stand still to it, why shuldest thou feare hym?

Hodge

380

¶ Gogs sydes Diccon, me thinke ich heare him

And tarrye chal mare all.

Diccon

¶ The matter is no worse then I tolde it,

Hodge

¶ By the masse cham able no longer to holde it,

To bad iche must beraye the hall.

Diccon

385

¶ Stand to it Hodge, sture not you horson,

What Deuyll, be thine ars strynges brusten?

Thy selfe a while but staye,

The deuill I smell hym wyll be here anone.

Hodge

¶ Hold him fast Diccon, cham gone, cham gone

390

Chyll not be at that fraye.

The ii. Acte. The ii. Sceane.

Diccon. Chat.

Diccon

FY shytten knaue, and out vpon thee

Aboue all other loutes fye on thee,

Is not here a clenly prancke?

But thy matter was no better

395

Nor thy presence here no sweter,

To flye I can the thanke:

Here is a matter worthy glosynge

Of Gammer Gurtone nedle losynge

And a foule peece of warke,

400

A man I thyncke myght make a playe

And nede no worde to this they saye

Being but halfe a Clarke.

Softe, let me alone, I will take the charge

This matter further to en large

405

Within a tyme shorte,

If ye will marke my toyes, and note

I will geue ye leaue to cut my throte

If I make not good sporte,

Dame Chat I say, where be ye, within?

Chat.

410

¶ Who haue we there maketh such a din:

Diccon

¶ Here is a good fellow, maketh no great daunger,

Chat.

¶ What diccon? come nere, ye be no straunger,

We be fast set at trumpe man, hard by the fyre,

Thou shalt set on the king, if thou come a litle nyer.

Diccon

415

¶ Nay, nay, there is no tarying: I must be gone againe

But first for you in councel I haue a word or twaine.

Chat.

¶ Come hether Dol, Dol, sit downe and play this game,

And as thou sawest me do, see thou do euen the same

There is 5. trumps beside the Queene, that hindmost thou shalt finde her

420

Take hede of Sim glouers wife, she hath an eie behind her,

Now Diccon say your will.

Diccon

¶ Nay softe a title yet,

I wold not tel it my sister, the matter is so great,

There I wil haue you sweare by our dere Lady of Bullaine,

425

S. Dunstone, and S. Donnyke, with the three Kinges of Kullaine,

That ye shal keepe it secret.

Chat,

¶ Gogs bread that will I doo,

As secret as mine owne thought, by god and the deuil two.

Diccon.

¶ Here is gāmer gurton your neighbour, a sad & heuy wight

430

Her goodly faire red Cock, at home. was stole this last night.

Chat.

¶ Gogs foule her Cock with the yelow legs, that nightly crowed so iust?

Diccon

¶ That cocke is stollen.

Chat.

¶ What was he fet out of the hens-ruste?

Diccon

¶ I can not tel where the deuil he was kept, vnder key or locke.

435

But Tib hath tykled in Gammers eare, that you shoulde steale the cocke

Chat.

¶ Haue I stronge hoore? by bread and salte.

Diccon

¶ What softe, I say be styl.

Say not one word for all this geare.

Chat.

¶ By the masse that I wyl,

440

I wil haue the yong hore by the head, & the old trot by the throte

Diccon

¶ Not one word dame Chat I say, not one word for my cote.

Chat.

¶ Shall such a begars brawle as the thinkest thou make me a theefe

The pocks light on her hores sydes, a pestlence & a mischeefe

Come out thou hungry nedy bytche, o that my nails be short.

Diccon

445

¶ Gogs bred womā hold your peace, this gere wil els passe sport

I wold not for an hundred pound, this matter shuld be knowen,

That I am auctour of this tale, or haue abrode it blowen

Did ye not sweare ye wold be ruled, before the tale I tolde

I said ye must all secret keepe, and ye said sure ye wolde.

Chat.

450

¶ Wolde you suffer your selfe diccon, such a sort, to reuile you

With slaunderous words to blot your name, & so to defile you?

Diccon

¶ No goodwife chat I wold be loth such drabs shulde blot my name

But yet ye must so order all, the Diccon heare no blame.

Chal.

¶ Go to then, what is your rede: say on your minde,

455

(ye shall mee rule herein.

Diccon

¶ God a mercye to dame chat, in faith thou must the gere begin

It is twenty pound to a goose turd, my gammer will not tary

But hetherward she comes as fast as her legs can her cary,

To brawle with you about her cocke, for well & hard Tib say

460

The Cocke was rosted in your house, to breafast yesterday,

And when ye had the carcas eaten, the fethers ye out flunge

And Doll your maid the legs she hid a foote depe in the dunge.

Chat.

¶ Do gracyous god my harte is burstes.

Diccon

¶ Well rule your selfe a space

465

And gammer gurton when she commeth anon into thys place

Then to the Queane lets see tell her your mynd & spare not

So shall Diccon blamelesse bee, and then go to I care not.

Chat,

¶ Then shoore beware her throte, I can abide no longer

In faith old witch it shalbe seene, which of vs two be stronger

470

And Diccon but at your request, I wold not stay one howre,

Diccon

¶ Well keepe it in till she be here and then out let it powre,

In the meane while get you in, and make no wordes of this

More of this matttr with in this howre to here you shall not misse

Because I know you are my freind, hide it I cold not doubtles

475

Ye know your harm, see ye be wise about your owne busines

So fare ye will.

Chat.

¶ Nay soft Diccon and drynke, what Doll I say

Bringe here a cup of the best ale, lets see, come quicly a waye.

The ii. Act. The iii. Sceane.

Hodge. Diccon.

Diccon

Ye see masters the one end tapt of this my short deuise

480

Now must we broche theter to, howre the smoke arise

And by the time they haue a while run.

(I trust ye need not craue it.

But loke what lieth in both their harts ye ar like sure to haue it

Hodge

¶ Yea gogs soule, art aliue yet? what Diccon dare ich come?

Diccon

485

¶ A man is wel hied to trust to thee, I wil say nothing but mum

But and ye come any nearer I pray you see all be sweete.

Hodge

¶ Tush man, is gammers neele found, that chould gladly weete

Diccon

¶ She may thāke thee it is not foūd, for if thou had kept thy stāding

The deuil he wold haue fet it out, euen hodg at thy cōmaunding

Hodge

490

¶ Gogs hart, & cold he tel nothing wher the neele might be found

Diccon

¶ Ye folysh dolt, ye were to seek, ear we had got our ground,

Therfore his tale so doubtfull was, that I cold not perceiue it.

Hodge

¶ Then ich se wel somthing was said, chope one day yet to haue it,

But diccon, diccon, did not the deuill cry ho, ho, ho,

Diccon

495

¶ If thou hadst taryed where thou stoodst, thou woldest haue said so

Hodge

¶ Durst swere of a buke, chard him rore, streight after ich was gon

But tel me diccon what said the knaue: let me here it anon.

Diccon

¶ The horson talked to mee. I know not well of what

One whyle his tonge it ran and paltered of a Cat,

500

Another whyle he stamered styll vppon a Rat,

Last of all there was nothing but euery word Chat, Chat,

But this I well perceyued before I wolde him rid,

Betweene Chat, and the Rat, and the Cat, the nedle is hyd,

Now wether Gyb our cat haue eate it in her mawe,

505

Or Doctor Rat our curat haue found it in the straw,

Or this dame chat your neighbour haue stollen it, god hee knoweth

But by the morow at this time, we shal learn how the matter goeth

Hodge

¶ Canst not learn to night man, seest not what is here,

¶ Pointyng behind to his torne breeches.

Diccon

¶ Tys not possyble to make it sooner appere,

Hodge

510

¶ Alas Diccon then chaue no shyft, but least ich tary to longe

Hye me to Sym glouers shop, theare to seeke for a Thonge,

Ther with this breech to tatche and tye as ich may.

Diccon

¶ To morow hodg if we chaunce to meete, shalt see what I will say.

The ii. Acte. The iiii. Sceane.

Diccon: Gammer.

Diccon

NOw this gere must forward goe, for here my gammer: commeth,

515

Be still a while & say nothing, make here a litle romth.

Gāmer

¶ Good lord, shall neuer be my lucke my neele agayne to spye:

Alas the whyle tys past my helpe, where tis still it must lye.

Diccon

¶ Now Iesus gammer gurtō, what driueth you to this sadnes

I feare me by my conscience, you will sure fall to madnes.

Gāmer

520

¶ Who is that, what Diccon, cham lost man: fye fye.

Diccon

¶ Mary fy on them that be worthy, but what shuld be your troble,

Gāmer

¶ Alas the more ich thinke on it, my sorow it waxeth doble

My goodly tossing sporyars neele, chaue lost ich wot not where.

Diccon

¶ Your neele, whan?

Gāmer

525

¶ My neele (alas) ich myght full ill it spare,

As god him selfe he knoweth nere one besyde chaue.

Diccon

¶ If this be all good gammer, I warrant you all is saue.

Gāmer

¶ Why know you any tydings which way my neele is gone?

Diccon

¶ Yea that I do doubtlesse, as ye shall here anone,

530

A see a thing this matter toucheth, within these .xx. howres,

Euen at this gate, before my face, by a neyghbour of yours,

She stooped me downe, and vp she toke a nedle or a pyn:

I durst be sworne it was euen yours, by all my mothers kyn.

Gāmer

¶ It was my neele diccon ich wot, for here euen by this poste

535

Ich sat, what time as ich vp starte, and so my neele it loste:

Who was it leiue son? speke ich pray the, & quickly tell me that?

Diccon

¶ A suttle queane as any in thys Towne,

(your neyghboure here dame Chat.

Gāmer

¶ Dame chat diccon let me be gone, chil thyther in post haste.

Diccon

540

¶ Take my councell yet or ye go, for feare ye walke in wast,

It is a murrion crafty drab, and froward to be pleased.

And ye take not the better way, our nedle yet ye lose it:

For when she tooke it vp, euen here before your doores

What soft dame chat (quoth I) that same is none of yours

545

Auant (quoth she) syr knaue, what pratest thou of that I fynd:

I wold that hadst kist me I wot whear: (she ment I know behind)

And home she went as brag, as it had ben a bodelouse,

And I after as bold, as it had ben, the goodman of the house:

But there and ye had hard her, how she began to scolde

550

The tonge it went on patins, by hym that Iudas solde,

Ech other worde I was a knaue, and you a bore of hores,

Because I spake in your behalfe, and sayde the neele was yours,

Gāmer

¶ Gogs bread, and thinks that callet thus to kepe my neele me fro?

Diccon

¶ Let her alone, and she minds non other but euē to dresse you so

Gāmer

555

¶ By the masse chil rather spend the cote that is on my backe.

Thinks the false quean by such a slygh, that chill my neele lacke

Diccon

¶ Slepe not you gere I counsell you, but of this take good hede

Let not be knowen I told you of it, how well soeuer ye spede.

Gāmer

¶ Chil in Diccon a cleene aperne to take, and set before me,

560

And ich may my neele once see, chil sure remember the

The ii. Acte. The v. Sceane.

Diccon.

Diccon

HEre will the sporte begin, if these two once may meete.

Their chere durst lay money will proue scarsly sweete

My gammer sure entends, to be vppon her bones,

Wich staues, or with clubs, or els with coble stones.

565

Dame Chat on the other syde, if she be far behynde

I am right far deceiued she is geuen to it of kynde,

He that may tarry by it a whyle, and that but shorts

I warrant hym trust to it, he shall see all the sporte

Into the towne will I, my frendes to vysit there

570

And hether straight againe to see thend of this gere

In the meane time felowes, pype vpp your fiddles, I saie take them

And let your freyndes here such mirth as ye can make them.

The iii. Acte.

The i Sceane.

Hodge.

Hodge

SYm glouer yet gramercy, cham meetlye well sped now,

Thart euen as good a felow as euer kyste a cowe,

575

Here is a thynge in dede, by the masse though ich speake it

Tom tankards great bald cortal, I thinke could not breake it

And when he spyed my neede, to be so straight and hard,

Hays lent me here his naull, to set the gyb forward,

As for my Gammers neele, the flyenge feyud go weete,

580

Chill not now go to the doore againe with it to meete:

Chould make shyfte good inough and chad a candels ende,

The cheese hole in my breeche, with these two chil amende.

¶ The iii. Acte. ¶ The ii. Sceane.

Gammer. Hodge.

Gāmer

HOw Hodge, mayst nowe be glade, cha newes to tell thee

Ich knowe who hais my neele, ich trust soone shalt it see

Hodge

585

¶ The deuyll thou does, hast hard gammer in deede, or doest but iest

Gāmer

¶ Tys as true as steele Hodge.

Hodge

¶ Why, knowest well where dydst leese it?

Gāmer

¶ Ich know who found it, and tooke it vp shalt see or it be longe.

Hodge

¶ Gods mother dere, if that be true, farwel both naule an thong

590

But who hais it gammer say on: chould faine here it disclosed.

Gāmer

¶ That false fixen, that same dame Chat, that counts her selfe so honest.

Hodge

¶ Who tolde you so:

Gāmer

¶ That same did Diccon the bedlam, which saw it done.

Hodge

¶ Diccon: it is a vengeable knaue gammer, tis a bonable horsō,

595

Can do mo things then that els cham deceyued euill:

By the masse ich saw him of late cal vp a great blacke deuill,

O the knaue cryed ho, ho, he roared and he thundred,

And yead bene here, cham sure yould murrenly ha wondred.

Gāmer

¶ Was not thou afraide Hodge to see him in this place:

Hodge

600

¶ No, and chad come to me, chould haue laid him on the face,

Chould haue promised him.

Gāmer

¶ But Hodge, had he no hornes to pushe:

Hodge

¶ As long as your two armes, saw ye neuer Fryer Rushe

Painted on a cloth, with a side long cowes tayle:

605

And crooked clouen feete, and many a hoked nayle?

For al the world (if I shuld iudg) chould recken him his brother

Loke euen what face Frier Rush had, the deuil had such another

Gāmer

¶ New Iesus mercy hodg. did diccon in him bring:

Hodge

¶ Nay gammer (heare me speke) chil tel you a greater thing,

610

The deuil (when diccon had him, ich hard him wondrous weel)

Sayd plainly (here before vs, that dame chat had your neele.

Gamer

¶ They let vs go, and aske her wherfore she minds to kepe it,

Seing we know so much, tware a madnes now to slepe it.

Hodge

¶ Go to her gāmer see ye not where she stands in her doores

615

Byd her geue you the neele, tys none of hers but yours.

¶ The iii. Acte. ¶ The iii Sceane.

Gammer. Chat. Hodge.

Gāmer

SAme Chat cholde praye the fair, let me haue that is mine

Chil not this twenty yeres take one fart that is thyne

Therfore giue me mine owne & let me liue besyde the

Chat.

¶ Why art thou crept frō home hether, to mine own doores to chide me:

620

Hence doting drab, auaunt, or I shall set the further.

Intends thou and that knaue, mee in my house to murther:

Gāmer

¶ Tush gape not so no me woman, shalt not yet eate mee,

Nor all the frends thou hast, in this shall not intreate mee:

Mine owne goods I will haue, and aske the on beleue,

625

What woman: pore folks must haue right, though the thing you agreue.

Chat.

¶ Giue thee thy right, and hang thee vp, with al thy baggers broode

What wilt thou make me a theefe, and say I stole thy good:

Gāmer

¶ Chil say nothing (ich warrāt thee, but that ich cā proue it well

Thou set my good euen from my doore, cham able this to tel,

Chat.

630

¶ Dyd I (olde witche) steale oft was thine:

(how should that thing be knowen:

Gāmer

¶ Ich can not tel, but vp thou tokest it as though it had ben thine owne,

Chat,

¶ Mary fy on thee, thou old gyb, with al my very hart.

Gāmer

¶ Nay fy on thee thou rampe, thou ryg, with al that take thy parte.

Chat.

635

¶ A vengeaunce on those lips that laieth such things to my charge.

Gāmer

¶ A vengeance on those callats hips, whose consciēce is so large

Chat.

¶ Come out Hogge.

Gāmer

¶ Come out hogge, and let haue me right.

Chat.

¶ Thou arrant Witche.

Gāmer

640

¶ Thou bawdie bitche, chil make thee cursse this night.

Chat.

¶ A bag and a wallet.

Gāmer

¶ A carte for a callet.

Chat.

¶ Why wenest thou thus to preuaile,

I hold thee a grote,

645

I shall patche thy coate.

Gāmer

¶ Thou warte as good kysse my tayle:

Thou slut, thou kut, thou rokes, yu takes: will not shame make ye hide

Chat.

¶ thou shald thou bald, thou rotten, thou glotton, I will no lenger chyd the

But I will teache the to kepe home.

Gāmer

650

¶ Wylt thou drunken beaste.

Hodge

¶ Sticke to her gammer, take her by the head, chil warrant you thys feast.

Smyte I laye gammer,

Byte I lay gammer,

I trow ye wyll be keene:

655

Where by your nayle? claw her by the iawes, pull me out bothe her eyen,

Gogs bones gammer, holde vp your head,

Chat.

¶ I trow drab I shall dresse thee.

Tary thou knaue I hold the a grote, I shall make these hands blesse thee

Take yu this old hore for a mends, & lerne thy tonge well to tame

660

And say thou met at this bickering, not thy fellow but thy dame.

Hodge

¶ Where is the strong stued hore, chil geare a hores marke,

Stand out ones way, that ich kyll none in the darke:

Up gammer and ye be alyue, chil feygh now for vs bothe,

Come no nere me thou scalde callet, to kyll the ich wer loth.

Chat.

665

¶ Art here agayne thou hoddy peke, what doll bryng me out my spitte.

Hodge

¶ Chill broche thee wyth this, him father soule,

(chyll coniure that foule sprete:

Let dore stand Cock, why come in deede? kepe dore thou horson boy.

Chat.

¶ Stand to it thou bastard for thine eares, ise teche yu a sluttish toye.

Hodge

670

¶ Gogs woundes hore, chil make the auaunte,

(take heede Cocke, pull in the latche,

Chat.

¶ I faith sir loose breche had ye taried, ye shold haue found your match.

Gāmer

¶ Now ware thy throte losell, thouse pray for al

Hodge

¶ Well said gammer by my soule,

675

Hoyse her, souse her, bounce her, trounce her, pull out her throte boule

Chat.

¶ Comst behynd me thou withered witch, & I get once on foote

Thouse pay for all, thou old tar lether, ile teach the what longs to it

Take that this to make vp thy mouth, til time thou come by more

Hodge

¶ Up gammer stand on your feete, where is the olde hore?

680

Faith woulde chad her by the face

(choulde cracke her callet crowne

Gāmer

¶ A hodg, hodg, where was thy help, when fixen had me downe.

Hodge

¶ By the masse Gammer, but for my staffe

(Chat had gone nye to spyl you

685

Ich think the harlot had not cared, and chad not com to kill you

But shall wel cost our neele thus?

Gāmer

¶ No Hodge chwarde lothe doo soo.

Thinkest thou chill take that at her hand, no hodg ich tell the no

Hodge

¶ Chold yet this fray wer wel take vp & our own neele at home

690

Twill be my chaunce els some to kil, wher euer it be or whome

Gāmer

¶ We haue a parson, (hodge thou knoes) a man estemed wise

Mast doctor Rat, chil for hym lend, and let me here his aduise,

He will her shriue for all this gere, & geue her penaunce strait

Wese haue our neele, els dame that comes nere with in heauē gate

Hodge

695

¶ Ye mary gammer, yu ich think best: wyll you now for him send

The sooner Doctor Rat be here, the soner wese ha an ende,

And here gammer Dyccons deuill, (as iche remember well)

Of Cat, and Chat, and Doctor Rat: a felloneus tale dyd tell,

Chold you forty pound, that is the way your neele to get againe.

Gāmer

700

¶ Chil ha him strait, call out the boy, wele make him take the payn

Hodge

¶ What coke I saye, come out what deuill canst not here.

Gāmer

¶ How now hodg? how does gammer, is yet the wether cleare?

What wold chaue me to doe?

Gāmer

¶ Come hether Cocke anon:

705

Hence swythe to Doctor Rat, hye the that thou were gone,

And pray hym come speke with me, cham not well at ease,

Shalt haue him at his chamber, of els at mother Bees,

Els seeke him at Hobfytchers shop for as charde it reported

Cocke.

There is the best ale in al the towne, and now is most resorted.

Gāmer

710

¶ And shall ich brynge hym with me gammer?

Cocke.

¶ Yea, by and by good Cocke.

Hodge

¶ Shalt see that shalbe here anone, els let me haue one the docke

¶ Now gammer shal we two go in, and tary for hys commynge

What deuill woman plucke vp your hart, & leue of al this glōmīg

715

Though she were stronger at yu first, as ich thinke ye did find her

Gāmer

Yet there ye brest the dronkē sow, what time ye cam behind her

¶ Nay, nay, cham sure she lost not all, for let them to the beginnīg

And ich doubt not, but she will make small bost of her winning.

¶ The iii. Acte. ¶ The iiii. Sceane.

Tyb. Hodge. Gammer. Cocke.

Tyb

SE gāmer, gāmer, gib our cat, chā afraid what she ayleth

720

She standes me gasping behind the doore,

(as though her winde her faileth:

Now let ich doubt what gib shuld mean, that now she doth so dote.

Hodge

¶ Hold hether, ichould twenty pound, your neele is in her throte

Grope her ich say, me thinkes ich feele it, does not pricke your hand?

Gāmer

725

¶ Ich can feele nothing.

Hodge

¶ No, ich know thars not within this land

A muryner Cat then Gyb is, betwixt the tems and Tyne,

Shase as much wyt in her head almost as chaue in mine.

Tyb

¶ Faith shase eaten some thing, that wil not easely downe

730

Whether she gat it at home, or abrode in the towne

Iche can not tell.

Gāmer

¶ Alas ich feare it he some croked pyn,

And then farewell gyb, she is vndone, and lost al saue the skyn.

Hodge

¶ Tyb, your neele woman, I say: gags soule geue me a knyfe

735

And chil haue it out of her mawe, or els chal lose my lyfe.

Gāmer

¶ What nay hodg, fy kil not our cat, tis al the cats we ha now.

Hodge

¶ By the masse dame Chat bays me so moued,

(iche care not what I kyll, ma god a vowe:

Go to then Tyb to this geare, holde vp har tayle and take her,

740

Chil see what deuil is in her guts chil take thou paines to rake her.

Gāmer

¶ Rake a Cat Hodge, what woldst thou do?

Hodge

¶ What thinckst that cham not able?

Did not Tom Lankard rake his Curtal toore day standing in the stable.

Gāmer

¶ Soft be content, lets here what newes

745

(Cocke bringeth from maist Rat.

Cocke.

¶ Gammer chaue ben ther as you bad, you wot wel about what

Twill not be long before he come, ich durst sweare of a booke

He byds you see ye be at home, and there for him to looke.

Gāmer

¶ Where didst thou find him boy was he not wher I told thea?

Cocke.

750

¶ Yes, yes euen at hobfilchers house, by him that bought and solde me

A cup of ale had in his hand, and a crab lay in the fyer,

Chad much a do to go and come, al was so ful of myer:

And Gammer one thing I can tel, Hobfilchers naule was loste

And Doctor Rat found it againe, hard beside the doore poste,

755

I chould a penny can say something, your neele againe to fet.

Gamer

¶ Cham glad to heare so much Cocke, then trust he wil not let,

To helpe vs herein best he can therfore tyl time he come

¶ The ii. Acte. ¶ The iiii. Sceane.

Doctor Rat. Gammer Gurton.

D. Rat.

A Man were better twenty times be a bandog & barke.

Then here among such a sort, be parish priest or clarke

760

Where he shal neuer be at rest, one pissing while a day

But he must trudge about the towne, this way, and that way,

Here to a drab, there to a theefe, his shoes to teare and rent

And that which is worst of al, at euery knaues commaundemēt

I had not sit the space, to drinke two pots of ale

765

But Gammer gurtons sory boy, was straite way at my taile,

And she was sicke, and I must come, to do I wot not what,

If once her fingers end but ake, trudge, call for Doctor Rat

And when I come not at their call, I only therby loose,

For I am sure to lacke therfore, a tythe pyg or a goose:

770

I warrāt you whē truth is knowen, & told they haue their tale

The matter where about I come, is not worth a half peny worth of ale,

Yet must I talke so sage and smothe, as though I were a glosier

Els or the yere come at an end. I shalbe sure the loser.

What worke ye gāmer gurtō? hoow here is your frēd M. Rat.

Gāmer

775

¶ A good M. Doctor cha trobled, cha trobled you, chwot wel that

D. Rat.

¶ How do ye woman: be ye lustie, or be ye not wel at ease:

Gāmer

¶ By gys master cham not sich, but yet chaue a disease.

Chad a foule turne now of late, chill tell it you by gigs.

D. Rat.

¶ Hath your browne cow cast hir calfe, or your sandy sowe her pigs

Gāmer

780

¶ No, but chad ben as good they had, as this ich wot weel.

D. Rat.

¶ What is the mattere

Gāmer

¶ Alas, alas, cha lost my good neele,

My necle I say, and wot ye what: a drab came by and spied it

And when I asked hir for the same, the filth flatly demed it.

D. Rat.

785

¶ What was she that:

Gāmer

¶ A dame ich warrant you she began to scold and brawle

Alas, alas, come hether Hodge: this wriche can tell you all.

The iiii. Act.

The i. Sceane.

D. Rat.

A Man were better twenty times be a bandog & barke.

Then here among such a sort, be parish priest or clarke

790

Where he shal neuer be at rest, one pissing while a day

But he must trudge about the towne, this way, and that way,

Here to a drab, there to a theefe, his shoes to teare and rent

And that which is worst of al, at euery knaues commaundemet

I had not sit the space, to drinke two pots of ale

795

But Gammer gurtons sory boy, was straite way at my taile,

And she was sicke, and I must come, to do I wot not what,

If once her fingers end but ake, trudge, call for Doctor Rat

And when I come not at their call, I only therby loose,

For I am sure to lacke therfore, a tythe pyg or a goose:

800

I warrat you whe truth is knowen, & told they haue their tale

The matter where about I come, is not worth a half peny worth of ale,

Yet must I talke so sage and smothe, as though I were a glosier

Els or the yere come at an end. I shalbe sure the loser.

What worke ye gamer gurto? hoow here is your fred M. Rat.

Gamer

805

A good M. Doctor cha trobled, cha trobled you, chwot wel that

D. Rat.

How do ye woman: be ye lustie, or be ye not wel at ease:

Gamer

By gys master cham not sich, but yet chaue a disease.

Chad a foule turne now of late, chill tell it you by gigs.

D. Rat.

Hach your browne cow cast hir calfe, or your sandy sowe her pigs

Gamer

810

No, but chad ben as good they had, as this ich wot weel.

D. Rat.

What is the matter?

Gamer

Alas, alas, cha lost my good neele,

My neele I say, and wot ye what: a drab came by and spied it

And when I asked hir for the same, the filth flatly denied it.

D. Rat.

815

What was she that:

Gamer

A dame ich warrant you: she began to scold and brawle

Alas, alas, come hether Hodge: this wrtche can tell you all.

The ii. Sceane.

Hodge Doctor Rat. Gammer. Diccon. Chat.

Hodge

God morow gaffer Uicar

D. Rat.

Come on fellow let vs heare.

820

Thy dame hath sayd to me, thou knowest of all this geare,

Lets see what thou canst saie.

Hodge

¶ Bym say sir that ye shall,

What matter so euer here was done, ich can fell your mashly

My Gammer gurton heare see now,

825

sat her downe at this doore see now:

And as she began to stirre her, see now,

her neele fell in the floore, see now,

And while her staffe shee tooke, see now,

at Gyb her Cat to flynge, see now,

830

Her neele was lost in the floore, see now

is not this a wondrous thing, see now?

Then came the queane Dame Chat see now

to aske for hir blacke cup, see now:

And euen here at this gate, see now:

835

she tooke that neele vp see now:

My Gammer then she yeede, see now

hir neele againe to bring, see now

And was caught by the head see now

is not this a wondrous thing, see now

840

She tare my Gammers cote see now

and scratched hir by the face, see now

Chad thought shad stopt hir throte, see now

is not this a wondrous case, see now?

When ich saw this, ich was worthe see now

845

and start betwene them twaine, see now

Els ich durst take a booke othe, see now

my Gammer had bene slaine, see now.

Gāmer

¶ This is euen the whole matter, as Hodge has plainly tolde

And chould faine be quiet for my part that chould

850

But helpe vs good master, beseech ye that ye doo

Els shall we both be beaten and lose our neele too.

D. Rat.

¶ What wold ye haue me to doo tel me that I were gone

I will do the best that I can, to set you both at one

But be ye sure dame Chat hath this your neele founde:

Gāmer

855

¶ Here comes the man that see hir take it vp on the ground,

Aske him your selfe master Rat if ye beleue not me.

And helpe me to my neele, for gods sake and saint charitie.

D. Rat.

¶ Come nere diccon and let vs heare, what thou can expresse.

Wilt thou be sworne yu seest dame chat, this womans neele haue?

Diccon

860

¶ Nay by S. Benit wil I not, then might ye thinke me raue.

Gāmer

¶ Why didst not yu tel me so euen here canst yu fer shame deny it

Diccon

¶ I mary gammer: but I said I wold not abide by it.

D. Rat.

¶ Will you say a thing, and not sticke do it to trie it.

Diccon

¶ Stick to it quoth you master rat, mary sir I defy it.

865

Nay there is many an honest man, when he suche blastes hath blowne

In his freindes eares, he woulde be loth the same by him were knowne

If such a toy be vsed oft among the honestie

It may be a simple man, if your and my degree.

D. Rat.

¶ Then we be neuer the nearer, for all that you can tell.

Diccon

870

¶ Yes mary sir, if ye will do by mine aduise and counsaile,

If mother chat se al vs here, she knoweth how the matter goes

Therfore I red you three go hence, and within keepe close,

And I will into dame chats house, and so the matter vse,

That or you cold go twise to church, I warant you hote nowe,

875

She shall looke wel about hir, but I durst say a pledge,

Ye shal of gammers neele, haue shortly better knowledge.

Gāmer

¶ Now gentle Diccon do so, and good sir let vs trudge.

D Rat.

¶ By the masse I may not tarry so long to be your iudge.

Diccon

¶ Dys but a litle while man, what take so much paine,

880

If I here no newes of it I will come sooner againe.

Hodge

¶ Cary so much good master Doctor of your gentlenes.

D. Rat.

¶ Then let vs hie ue inward, and Diccon speede thy busines.

Diccon

¶ Now sirs do yee no more, but kepe my counsaile iuste,

And Doctor Rat shall thus catch, some good I trust,

885

But mother Chat my gossop, talke first with all I must:

For she must be chiefe captaine to lay the Rat in the dust,

God deuen dame Chat in faith, and wel met in this place.

Chat.

¶ God deuen my friend Diccon, whether walke ye this pace?

Diccon

¶ By my truth euen to you, to learne how the world goeth,

890

Hard ye no more of the other matter, say me now by your troth

Chat.

¶ O yes diccon, here the olde hoore, & hodge that great knaue.

But in faith I would thou hadst sene, o lord I drest them braue

She bare me two or three souses behind in the nape of the necke

Till I made hir olde wesen, to answere againe kecke:

895

And Hodge that dirty dastard, that at hir elbow standes,

If one paire of legs had not bene worth two paire of hands

He had had his bearde shauen, if my nayles wold haue serued

And not without a cause for the knaue it well deserued.

Diccon

¶ By the moste I can the thank wench, yu didst so wel acquite the

Chat.

900

¶ And thadst seene him Diccon, it wold haue made yu beshite the

For laughter. The horsen dolt at last caught vp a club,

As though he would haue slaine the master deuil Belsabub,

But I set him soone in worde.

Diccon

¶ O Lorde there is the thing

905

That Hodge is so offended, that makes him starte and dyng

Chat.

¶ Why? makes the knaue any moyling, as ye haue sene or hard

Diccon

¶ Euen now I sawe him last, like a mad man he farde,

And sware by heauen and hell, he would a wreake his sorowe

And leue you neuer a hen on liue. by viii. of the clock to morow,

910

Therfore marke what I say, and my wordes see that ye trust

Your hens be as good as dead, if ye leaue them on the ruste.

Chat,

¶ The knaue dare as wel go hang himself, as go vpon my groūd

Diccon

¶ Wel yet take hede I say, I must tel you my tale round,

Haue you not about your house, behind your furnace or leade:

915

A hole where a crafty knaue, may crepe in for neade?

Chat.

¶ Yes by the masse, a hole broke down, euen with in these ii. dayes.

Diccon

¶ Hodge, he intendes this same night, to slip in there awayes.

Chat.

¶ O christ that I were sure of it, in faith he shuld haue his mede.

Diccon

¶ watch wel, for the knaue wil be there as sure as is your crede

920

I wold spend my selfe a shilling: to haue him swinged well.

Chat.

¶ I am as glad as a woman can bee of this thing to here tell

By gogs bones when he cōmeth, now that I know the matter

He shal sure at the first skip, to leape in scalding water:

Wish a worse turne besides when he will, let him come.

Diccon

925

¶ I tell you as my sister, you know what meaneth mum,

Now lacke I but my doctor, to play his part againe

And so where he commeth towards, peraduenture to his paine.

D. Rat.

¶ What good newes Diccon? fellow, is mother chat at home,

Diccon

¶ She is syr, and she is not, but it please her to whome:

930

Yet dyd I take her tardy, as subtle as she was.

D. Rat.

¶ The thing that thou wentst for, hast thou brought it to passe?

Diccon

¶ I haue done that I haue done, be it worse be it better.

And dame Chat at her wyts ende, I haue almost set her.

D Rat.

¶ Why hast thou spied the neele quickly I pray thee tell.

Diccon

935

¶ I haue spyed it in faith sir, I handled my selfe so well,

And yet the crafty queane, had almost take my trumpe.

But or all came to an ende. I set her in a dumpe:

D. Rat.

¶ How so I pray thee Diccon?

Diccon

¶ Mary syr will ye heare?

940

She was clapt downe on the backside, by cocks mother dere

And there she sat sewing a halter, or a bande,

With no other thing saue gammers nedle in her hande,

As soone as any knocke, if she filth be in double,

She needes but once puffe, and her candle is out:

945

Now I sir knowing of euery doore she pin.

Came nycely, and said no worde, till time I was within,

And there I sawe the neele, euen with these two eyes,

Who euer say the contrary, I will sweare he lyes.

D. Rat.

¶ O Diccon that I was not there, then in thy steade.

Diccon

950

¶ Well, if ye will be ordred, and do by my reade.

I will bring you to a place, as the house standes.

Where ye shall take the drab, with the neele in hir handes

D. Rat.

¶ For Gods sake do so Diccon, and I will gage my gowne

To geue thee a full pot, of the best ale in the towne,

Diccon

955

¶ Follow me but a litle, and marke what I will say,

Lay downe your gown beside you, go to, come on your way:

Se ye not what is here a hole wherin ye may creepe

Into the house, and sodenly vnwares among them leape,

There shal ye finde the Bitchfox, and the neele together

960

Do as I bid you man, come on your wayes hether.

D. Rat.

¶ Art thou sure diccon, the swil tub standes not here aboute.

Diccon

¶ I was within my selfe man euen now, there is no doubt,

Go softly, make no noyse, giue me your foote sir Iohn,

Here will I waite vpon you, tyl you come out anone.

D. Rat.

965

¶ Helpe Diccon, out alas, I shal be slaine among them.

Diccon

¶ If they giue you not the nedle, tel them that ye will hāg them

Ware that, hoow my wenches, haue ye caught the Foxe,

That vsed to make reuel, among your hennes and Cocks:

Saue his life yet for his order, though he susteine some paine

970

Gogs bread, I am afraide, they wil beate out his braine.

D. Rat.

¶ Wo worth the houre that I came heare.

And wo worth him that wrought this geare,

A sort of drabs and queanes haue me blest,

Was euer creature halfe so euill drest?

975

Who euer it wrought, and first did inuent it,

He shall I warrant him, erre long repent it,

I will spend all I haue without my skinne

But he shall be brought to the plight I am in,

Master Bayly I trow, and he be worth his eares.

980

Will snaffle these murderers and all that them beares,

I will surely neither byte nor suppe

Till I fetch him hether, this matter to take vp.

The v. Acte.

The i. Sceane.

Master Bayly. Dector Rat.

Bailie.

I Can perceiue none other, I speke it from my hart

But either ye ar in al the fault or els in the greatest part

D. Rat.

985

¶ If it be counted his fault, besides all his greeues

When a poore man is spoyled: and beaten among theeues?

Then I confesse my fault herein, at this season,

But I hope you wil not iudge so much against reason.

Baily.

¶ And me thinkes by your owne tale, of all that ye name.

990

If any plaid the theefe you were the very same.

The women they did nothing, as your words make probation

But stoutly withstood your forcible inuasion,

If that a theefe at your window, to enter should begin,

Wold you hold forth your hand, and helpe to pull him in:

995

Or you wold kepe him out: I pray you answere me.

D. Rat.

¶ Mary kepe him out, and a good cause why:

But I am no theefe sir but an honest learned Clarke.

Baily.

¶ Yea but who knoweth that, when he meets you in the darke

I am sure your learning shines not out at your nose,

1000

Was it any maruaile, though the poore woman arose

And start vp, being afraide of that was in hir purse

Me thinke you may be glad that you lucke was no worse.

D. Rat.

¶ Is not this euill ynough, I pray you as you thinke,

Showing his broken head.

Baily

1005

¶ Yea but a man in the darke, of chaunces do wincke,

As sonne he smites his father as any other man,

Because for lacke of light, discerne him he ne can,

Might it not haue ben your lucke, with a spit to haue ben slaine:

D. Rat.

¶ I thinke I am litle better, my scalpe is clouen to the braine,

1010

If there be all the remedy, I know who beares the kockes.

Baily.

¶ By my troth and well worthy, besides to kisse the stockes

To come in on the backe side, when ye might go about,

I know non such, vnles they long to haue their braines knockt out

D. Rat.

¶ Well, wil you be so good sir, as talke with dame Chat;

1015

And know what she intended: I aske no more but that.

Bayly.

¶ Let her be called fellow because of master doctor,

I warrant in this case, she wil be hir owne Proctor,

She will tel hir owne tale in metter or in prose,

And byd you seeke your remedy, and so to wype your nose.

¶ The v. Acte. ¶ The ii. Sceane,

M. Bayly. Chat. D. Rat. Gammer. Hodge. Diccon.

Bayly.

1020

SAme Chat, master doctor vpon you here complained

That you & your maides shuld him much misorder.

And taketh many an oth, that no word he fained,

Laying to your charge, how you thought him to murder:

And on his part againe, that same man saith furder

1025

He neuer offended you in word nor intent,

To heare you answer hereto, we haue now for you sent.

Chat.

¶ That I wold haue murdered him, fye on him wretch,

And euil mought be thee for it, our Lord I besēch.

I will swere on al the bookes that opens and shuttes

1030

He faineth this tale out of his owne guttes,

For this seuen weekes with me, I am sure he sat not downe,

Nay ye haue other minions, in the other end of the towne,

Where ye were liker to catch such a blow,

then any where els, as farre as I know.

Baily.

1035

¶ Be like then master Doctor, you stripe there ye got not?

D. Rat.

¶ Thinke you I am so mad, that where I was bet, I wod not?

Wil ye beleue this queane, before she hath tryd it?

It is not the first dede she hath done and afterward deuide it.

Chat

¶ What man, will you say I broke your head?

D. Rat.

1040

¶ How canst thou proue the contrary?

Chat.

¶ Nay how prouest thou that I did the deade.

D. Rat.

¶ To plainly, by S. Mary.

This profe I trow may serue, though I no word spoke.

Showing his broken head.

Chat.

1045

¶ Bicause thy head is broken, was it I that it broke?

I saw thee Rat I tel thee, not once within this fortnight,

D. Rat.

¶ No mary, thou sawest me not, for why thou hadst no light,

But I felt thee for al the darke, be shrew thy smothe cheekes,

And thou groped me this wil declare, any day this six weekes

1050

Showing his heade.

Baily.

¶ Answere me to this M. Rat, when caught you this harme of yours?

D. Rat.

¶ A while a go sir, god he knoweth, with in les thē these ii. houres.

Baily.

¶ Dame Chat was there none with you:

(confesse I faith) about that season.

1055

What woman, let it be what it wil, tis neither felony nor treason

Chat.

¶ Yes by my faith master Bayly, there was a knaue not farre

Who caught one good Philup on the brow, with a dore barre

And well was he worthy, as it semed to mee,

But what is that to this man, since this was not hee.

Baily.

1060

¶ Who was it then? lets here.

D. Rat.

¶ Alas sir, aske you that?

Is it not made plain inough (by the owne mouth of dame chat

The time agreeth, my head is broken, her tong can not lye,

Onely vpon a bare nay she saith it was not I.

Chat.

1065

¶ No mary was it not indeede ye shal here by this one thing,

This after noone a frēd of mine, for good wil gaue we warning

And bad mo wel loke to my ruste, and al my Capons pennes,

For if I take not better heede, a knaue wold haue my hennes,

Then I to saue my goods toke so much pains as him to watch

1070

And as good fortune serued me, it was my chaūce hī for to catch

What strokes he bare away, or other what was his gaines

I wot not, but sure I am, he had something for his paines

Baily.

¶ Yet telles thou not who it was.

Chat.

¶ Who it was a false theefe,

1075

That came like a false Fore, my pullaine to kil and mischeefe.

Baily.

¶ But knowest thou not his name?

Chat.

¶ I know it but what than.

It was that crafty cullyon Hodge my gammer gurtons man.

Bailie.

¶ Cal me the knaue hether, he shal sure kysse the stockes.

D. Rat.

1080

I shall teach him a lesson, for filching hens or cocks.

¶ I marvaile master bayly, so bleared be your eyes.

An egge is not so ful of meate as she is ful of lyes:

When she hath playd this pranke, to excuse al this geare,

She layeth the fault in such a one, as I know was not there.

Chat.

1085

¶ Was he not thear loke on his pate, that shalbe his witnes.

D. Rat.

¶ I wold my head were half so hole, I wold seeke no redresse,

Baily.

¶ God blesse you gammer Gurton.

Gāmer

¶ God dylde you master mine.

Baily.

¶ Thou hast a knaue with in thy house, hodge, a seruant of thine.

1090

They tel me that busy knaue, is such a filching one,

That Hen, Pig, goose or capon, thy neighbour can haue none,

Gāmer

¶ By god cham much ameued, to beare any such reporte:

Hodge was not wont ich trow, to haue him in that sort.

Chat.

¶ A theeuisher knaue is not on liue, more filching nor more false

1095

Many a truer man then he, haue hanged vp by the halfe.

And thou his dame of al his theft, thou art the sole receauer

For hodge to catch, and thou to kepe, I neuer knew none better

Gāmer

¶ Sir reuerence of your masterdome, and you were out adoore,

Chold be so bolde for al hir brags, to cal hir arrant whoore,

1100

And ich knew Hodge so bad as tow, ich with me endlesse sorow

And chould not take the pains, to hang him vp before to morow?

Chat,

¶ What haue I stolne frō the or thine: thou ilfauored olde trot.

Gāmer

¶ A great deale more (by Gods blest,) then cheuer by the got,

That thou knowest wel I neade not say it.

Baily.

1105

¶ Stoppe there I say,

And tel me here I pray you, this matter by the way:

How chaunce hodge is not here him wold I faine haue had.

Gāmer

¶ Alas sir, heel be here anon, ha be handled to bad.

Chat.

¶ Master bayly, sir ye be not such a foole wel I know,

1110

But ye perceiue by this lingring, there is a pad in the straw.

Thinking that Hodg, his head was broke, and that gammer

Wold not let him come before them.

Gāmer

¶ Chil shew you his face, ich warrant the, lo now where he is.

Bailie.

¶ Come on fellow it is tolde me thou art a shrew iwysse,

1115

Thy neighbours hens thou takest, and playes the two legged fore

Their chikens & their capans to, & now and then their Cocks.

Hodge

¶ Ich defy them al that dare it say, cham as true as the best.

Baily.

¶ Wart not thou take within this houre, in dame chats hens nest?

Hodge

¶ Take there? no master chold not dot, for a house ful of gold.

Chat

1120

¶ Thou or the deuil in thy cote, sweare this I dare be bold.

D. Rat.

¶ Sweare me no swearing quean, the deuill he geue the sorow,

Al is not worth a gnat, thou canst sweare till to morow,

Where is the harme he hath? shew it by gods bread,

Ye beat him with a witnes, but the stripes light on my head.

Hodge

1125

¶ Bet me? gogs blessed body, chold first ich trow haue burst the

Ich thinke and chad my hands loose callet chould haue crust the.

Chat.

¶ Thou shittē knaue I trow thou knowest the ful weight of my fist

I am fowly deceiued, onles thy head & my doore bar kyste

Hodge

¶ Hold thy chat whore thou criest so loude, can no man els be hard

Chat.

1130

¶ Well knaue, & I had the alone, I wold surely rap the costard.

Bayly.

¶ Sir answer me to this, is thy head whole or broken?

Chat.

¶ Yea master Bayly, blest be euery good token.

Hodge

¶ Is my head whole? ich warrāt you, tis neither scuruy nor seald

What you foule beast, does think tis either pild or bald.

1135

Nay ich thanke god: chil not for al that thou maist spend

That chad one scab on my narse, as brode as thy fingers end.

Bayly.

¶ Come nearer heare.

Hodge

¶ Yes That iche dare.

Bayly.

¶ By our Lady here is no harme,

1140

Hodges head is hole ynough, for al dame Chats charme.

Chat.

¶ By gogs blest, how euer the thing he clockes or smolders,

I know the blowes he bare away, either with head or shoulders,

Camest thou not knaue within this houre, creping into my pens

And there was caught within my hous, gropīg among my hens.

Hodge

1145

¶ A plage both on thy hens & the, a carte whore, a carte,

Chould I were hāged as hie as a tree, & chware as false as thou art

Geue my gāmer again her washital, thou stole away in thy lap.

Gāmer

¶ Yea maister baily there is a thing, you know not on may hay

This drab she kepes away my good, the deuil he might her snare

1150

Ich pray you that ich might haue, a right action on her.

Chat.

¶ Haue I thy good old filth, or any such old sowes?

I am as true, I wold thou knew, as skin betwene thy browes

Gāmer

¶ Many a truer hath bē hanged, though you escape the daunger

Chat,

¶ Thou shalt answer by gods pity, for this thy foule slaunder.

Baily.

1155

¶ Why, what cā ye charge hir withal? to say so, ye do not well.

Gāmer

¶ Mary a vēgeance to hir hart, the whore hase stoln my neele.

Chat.

¶ Thy nedle old witch, how so? it were almes thy scul to knock

So didst thou say, the other day, that I had stolne thy Cock

And rosted him to my breakfast, which shal not be forgotten,

1160

The deuil pul out thy lying tong, and teeth that be so rotten.

Gāmer

¶ Geue me my neele, as for my cocke, chould be very loth

That chuld here tel he shuld hang, on thy false faith and troth.

Baily.

¶ Your talke is such, I can scarse learne who shuld be most in fault

Gāmer

¶ Yet shal ye find no other wight, saue she, by bred & salt

Baily.

1165

¶ Kepe ye content a while, se that your songes ye holde,

Me thinkes you shuld remembre, this is no place to scolde,

How knowest thou gāmer gurton, dame Chat thy nedle hade

Gāmer

¶ To name you sir the party, chould not be very glad.

Baily.

¶ Yea but we must nedes heare it, & therfore say it boldly.

Gāmer

1170

¶ Such one as told the tale, full soberly and coldly,

Euen he that loked on, wil sweare on a booke:

What time this drunken gossip, my faire long neele vp tooke

Diccon (master) the Bedlam, cham very sure ye know him.

Bailie.

¶ A false knaue by Gods pitie, ye were but a foole to trow him,

1175

I durst auenture wel the price of my best cap,

That when the end is knowen, all wil turne to a iape,

Tolde he not you that besides, she stole your Cocke that tyde?

Gāmer

¶ No master no indede, for then he shuld haue lyed,

My cocke is I thanke Christ, safe and wel a fine.

Chat.

1180

¶ Yea but that ragged colt, that whore that tyb of thine

Said plainly thy cocke was stolne, & in my house was eaten,

That lying cut is lost, that she is not swinged and beaten,

And yet for al my good name, it were a small amendes

I picke not this geare (hearst thou) out of my fingers ende

1185

But he that hard it told me, who thou of late didst name

Diccon whom al men knowes, it was the very same.

Baily.

¶ This is the case, you lost your nedle about the dores

And she answeres againe, she hase no cocke of yours,

Thus in you talke and Action, from that you do intend,

1190

She is whole fiue mile wide, from that she doth defend:

Will you saie she hath your Cocke?

Gāmer

¶ No mery sir that chil not,

Bayly.

¶ Will you confesse hir neele?

Chat.

¶ Will I? no sir will I not.

Bayly.

1195

¶ Then there lieth all the matter.

Gāmer

¶ Soft master by the way,

Ye know she could do litle, and she cold not say nay.

Bayly.

¶ Yea but he that made one lie about your Cock stealing,

Wil not sticke to make another, what time lies be in dealing

1200

I weene the ende wil proue, this brawle did first arise,

Upon no other ground, but only Diccons lyes.

Chat.

¶ Though some be lyes as you belike haue espyed them.

Yet other some be true, by proof I haue wel tryed them.

Bayly.

¶ What other thing beside this dame Chat.

Chat.

1205

¶ Mary syr euen this,

The tale I tolde before, the selfe same tale it was his,

He gaue me like a frende, warning against my loss,

Els had my hens be stolne, eche one, by Gods crosse:

He tolde me Hodge wold come, and in he came indeede,

1210

But as the matter chaunsed, with greater hast then speede,

This truth was said, and true was found, as truly I report.

Bayly.

¶ If Doctor Rat be not deceiued, it was of another sort.

D. Rat.

¶ By Gods mother thou and he, be a cople of suttle foxes,

Betweene you and Hodge. I beare away the boxes,

1215

Did not diccō apoynt the place, wher thou shuldst stād to mete him.

Chat.

¶ Yes by the masse, & if he came, bad me not sticke to speet hym.

D. Rat.

¶ Gods sacrament the villain knaue hath drest vs round about,

He is the cause of all this brawle, that dyrty shitten loute:

When gammer gurton here complained, & made a ruful mone

1220

I heard him sweare that you had gotten, hir nedle that was gone,

And this to try he furder said, he was ful loth how be it

He was content with small adoe, to bring me where to see it.

And where ye sat, he said ful certain, if I wold folow his read

Into your house a priuy way, he wold me guide and leade,

1225

And where ye had it in your hands, sewing about a clowte,

And set me in the backe hole, therby to finde you out:

And whiles I sought a quietnes, creping vpon my knees,

I found the weight of your dore bar, for my reward and fees,

Such is the lucke that some men gets, while they begin to mel

1230

In setting at one such as were out. minding to make al wel.

Hodge

¶ Was not wel blest gāmer, to scape the scoure, & chad ben there

Thē chad ben drest be like, as ill by the masse, as gaffar vicar.

Bayly.

¶ Mary sir, here is a sport alone, I loked for such an end

If diccon had not playd the knaue, this had ben sone amend

1235

My gammer here he made a foole, and drest hir as she was

And good wife Chat he set to scole, till both partes cried alas,

And D. Rat was not behind, whiles Chat his crown did pare,

I wold the knaue had bē starke blind, if hodg had not his share.

Hodge

¶ Cham meetly wel sped alredy amongs, cham drest like a coult

1240

And chad not had the better wit, chad bene made a coult.

Bayly.

¶ Sir knaue make hast diccon were here, fetch him where euer he bee

Chat.

¶ Fie on the villaine, fie, fie, that makes vs thus agree,

Gāmer

¶ Fie on him knaue, with al my hart, now fie, and fie againe.

D. Rat.

¶ Now fie on him may I best say, whom he hath almost slaine.

Bayly.

1245

¶ Lo where he commeth at hand, belike he was not fare

Diccon heare be two or three, thy company can not spare.

Diccon

¶ God blesse you, and you may be blest so many al at once

Chat.

¶ Come knaue, it were a good deed to geld the by cockes bones

Seest not thy handiwarke? sir Rat can ye forbeare him?

Diccon

1250

¶ A vēgeance on those hands lite, for my hāde cam not nere hym

The horsen priest hath lift the pot, in some of these alewyues chayres

That his head wolde not serue him, belyke

to come downe the stayres.

Baily.

¶ Nay soft, thou maist not play the knaue, & haue this language to

1255

If thou thy tong bridle a while, the better maist thou do,

Confesse the truth as I shall aske, and cease a while to fable.

And for thy fault I promise the, thy handling shalbe reasonable

Hast thou not made a lie or two, to set these two by the eares?

Diccon

¶ What if I haue? fiue hundred such

1260

haue I seene within these seuen yeares:

I am sory for nothing else but that I see not the sport

Which was betwene them whē they met, as they thēselues report

Bayly.

¶ The greatest thing master rat, ye se how he is drest.

Diccon.

¶ What deuil nede he be groping so depe, in good wife Chats hēs nest

Bayly.

1265

¶ Yea but it was thy drift to bring him into the briars.

Diccon.

¶ Gods bread, hath not such an old foole, wit to saue his eares?

He showeth himselfe herein ye see, so very a coxe,

The Cat was not so madly alured by the Foxe,

To run into the snares, was set for him doubtlesse,

1270

For he leapt in for myce, and this sir Iohn for madnes.

D. Rat.

¶ Well and ye shift no better, ye losel, lyther, and lasye,

I will go neare for this, to make ye leape at a Dasye.

In the kings name master Bayly, I charge you set him fast.

Diccon.

¶ What fast at cardes, or fast on slepe? it is the thing I did last.

D. Rat.

1275

¶ Nay fast in fetters false varlet, according to thy deedes.

Bayly.

¶ Master doctor ther is no remedy, I must intreat you needes

Some other kinde of punishment,

D. Rat.

¶ Nay by all Halowes.

His punishmēt if I may iudg, shalbe naught els but the gallous.

Bayly.

1280

¶ That were to sore, a spiritual man to be so extreame.

D. Rat.

¶ Is he worthy any better, sir how do ye iudge and deame?

Bayly.

¶ I graunt him wortie punishment, but in no wise so great.

Gāmer

¶ It is a shame ich tel you plaine, for such false knaues intreat

He has almost vndone vs al, that is as true as steele:

1285

And yet for al this great a do'cham neuer the nere my neele.

Bayly.

¶ Canst thou not say any thing to that diccon, wish least or most?

Diccon

¶ Yea mary sir, thus much I can say wel, the nedle is lost.

Bayly.

¶ Nay canst not thou tel which way, that nedle may be found

Diccon

¶ No by my fay sir. though I might haue an hundred pound.

Hodge

1290

¶ Thou lier lickdish, didst not say the neele wold be gitten?

Diccon

¶ No hodge, by the same token, you where that time beshitten?

For feare of Hobgobling, you wot wel what I meane,

As long as it is sence, I feare me yet ye be scarce cleane.

Bayly.

¶ Wel master rat, you must both learne, & teach vs to forgeue

1295

Since Diccon hath confession made, & is so cleane shreue,

If ye to me conscent, to amend this heauie chaunce.

I wil inioyne him here, some open kind of penaunce:

Of this condition, where ye know my fee is twenty pence

For the bloodshed, I am agreed with you here to dispence,

1300

Ye shal go quite, so that ye graunt, the matter now to run,

To end with mirth emong vs al, euen as it was begun.

Chat.

¶ Say yea master vicar, & he shal sure confes to be your dotter

And al we that be heare present, wil loue you much the better

D. Rat.

¶ My part is the worst, but since you al here on agree.

1305

Go euen to master Bayly, let it be so for mee,

Bayly.

¶ How saiest thou diccon, art content this shal on me depend

Diccon

¶ Go to M. Bayly say on your mind, I know ye are my frend:

Bayly.

¶ Then marke ye wel, to recompence this thy former action

Because thou hast offended al, to make them satisfaction,

1310

Before their faces, here kneele downe, & as I shal the teach.

For thou shalt take on othe, of hodges leather breache

First for master Doctor, vpon paine of his curse,

Where he wil pay for al, thou neuer draw thy purse,

And when ye meete at one pot, he shall haue the first pull,

1315

And thou shalt neuer offer him the cup, but it be full.

To good wife chat thou shalt be sworne, euen on the same wyse

If she refuse thy money once, neuer to offer it twise.

Thou shalt be bound by the same here, as thou dost take it

When thou maist drinke of free cost, thou neuer forsake it:

1320

For gammer gurtons sake, againe sworne shalt thou bee

To helpe hir to hir nedle againe if it do lie in thee

And likewise be bound: by the vertue of that

To be of good abering to Gib hir great Cat:

Last of al for Hodge, the othe to scanne,

1325

Thou shalt neuer take him, for fine gentleman.

Hodge

¶ Come on fellow Diccon chalbe euen with thee now.

Bayly

¶ Thou wilt not sticke to do this Diccon I trow.

Diccon

¶ No by my fathers skin, my hand downe I lay it?

Loke as I haue promised, I wil not denay it,

1330

But Hodge take good heede now, thou do not beshite me.

And gaue him a good blow on the buttocke.

Hodge

¶ Gogs hart thou false villaine dost thou bite me?

Bayly

¶ What Hodge doth he hurt the or euer he begin.

Hodge

¶ He thrust me into the buttocke, with a bodkin or a pin,

1335

I saie Gammer, Gammer?

Gāmer

¶ How now Hodge, how now:

Hodge

¶ Gods mait Gammer gurton.

Gāmer

¶ Thou art mad ich trow.

Hodge

¶ Will you see the deuil Gammer.

Gāmer

1340

¶ The deuil sonne, god blesse vs.

Hodge

¶ Chould iche were hanged Gammer.

Gāmer

¶ Mary se ye might dresse vs.

Hodge

¶ Chaue it by the masse Gammer

Gāmer

¶ What not my neele Hodge?

Hodge

1345

¶ Your Neele Gammer, your neele.

Gāmer

¶ No fie, dost but dodge.

Hodge

¶ Cha found your neele Gammer, here in my hand be it.

Gāmer

¶ For al the loues on earth Hodge, let me see it.

Hodge

¶ Soft Gammer.

Gāmer

1350

¶ Good Hodge.

Hodge

¶ Soft ich say, tarie a while.

Gāmer

¶ Nay sweete Hodge say truth, and do not me begile.

Hodge

¶ Cham sure on it ich warrant you: it goes no more a stray

Gāmer

¶ Hodge when I speake so faire: wilt stil say me nay:

Hodge

1355

¶ Go neare the light gammer this wel in faith good lucke:

Chwas almost vndone: twas so far in my buttocke

Gāmer

¶ Tis min owne deare neele Hodge, sykerly I wot

Hodge

¶ Cham I not a good sonne gammer, cham I not,

Gāmer

¶ Christs blessing light on thee, hast made me for euer

Hodge

1360

¶ Ich knew that ich must finde it, els choud a had it neuer

Chat.

¶ By my troth Gossyp gurton, I am euen as glad

As though I mine owne selfe as good a turne had:

Bayly.

¶ And I by my concience, to see it so come forth,

Reioyce so much at it, as three nedles be worth.

D. Rat.

1365

¶ I am no whit sory to see you so reioyce.

Diccon

¶ Nor I much the gladder for al this noyce:

Yet say gramercy Diccon, for springing of the game.

Gāmer

¶ Gramercy Diccon twenty times, o how glad cham,

If that chould do so much, your masterdome to come hether,

1370

Master Rat, good wife Chat, and Diccon together:

Cha but one half peny, as far as iche know it,

And chil not rest this night, till ich bestow it.

If euer ye loue me, let vs go in and drinke.

Bayly.

¶ I am content if the rest thinke as I thinke!

1375

Master Rat it shalbe best for you if we so doo,

Then shall you warme you and dresse your self too.

Diccon

¶ Soft syrs, take vs with you, the company shalbe the more,

As proude coms behinde they say, as any goes before,

But now my good masters since we must be gone

1380

And leaue you behinde vs, here all alone:

Since at our last ending, thus mery we bee,

For Gammer Gurtons nedle sake, let vs haue a plaudytie.

Finis, Gurton. Perused and alowed, &c.

[ EDITORIAL CASTLIST

Diccon the Bedlem.

Hodge Gammer Gurtons seruante.

Tyb Gammer Gurtons mayde.

Gammer Gurton.

Docke Gammer Gurtons boye.

Dame Chatte

Doctor Rat the Curate.

Mayster Baylye.

Doll Dame Chattes mayde.

Scapethryft mayst Beylies seruante.

Unassigned_Song

A Ryght Pithy, Pleasaunt and merie Comedie: Intytuled Gammer gurtons Nedle

[anonymous]

A Ryght
Pithy, Pleasaunt and me
rie Comedie: In-
tytuled Gammer gur-
tons Nedle: Played on
stage, not longe
ago in Chri-
stes
College in Cambdrige.

Made by Mr. S. Mr. of Art.

Imprynted at London in
Fleetstreat beneth the Con-
duit at the signe of S. Iohn
Euangelist by Tho-
mas Colwell.

¶ The fyrst Acte.

The fyrst Sceane.

¶ The fyrst Arte. The second Sceane.

¶ The fyrst Acre. The thyrd Sceane.

¶ The fyrest Acte. The .iiii. Sceane.

¶ The .i. Acte. The .v. Sceane.

The ii. Acte.

Fyrste a Songe.

The fyrst Sceane.

The ii. Acte. The ii. Sceane.

The ii. Act. The iii. Sceane.

The ii. Acte. The iiii. Sceane.

The ii. Acte. The v. Sceane.

The iii. Acte.

The i Sceane.

¶ The iii. Acte. ¶ The ii. Sceane.

¶ The iii. Acte. ¶ The iii Sceane.

¶ The iii. Acte. ¶ The iiii. Sceane.

¶ The ii. Acte. ¶ The iiii. Sceane.

The iiii. Act.

The i. Sceane.

The ii. Sceane.

The v. Acte.

The i. Sceane.

¶ The v. Acte. ¶ The ii. Sceane,

A Ryght Pithy, Pleasaunt and merie Comedie: Intytuled Gammer gurtons Nedle

[anonymous]

A RyghtPithy, Pleasaunt and merie Comedie: In-tytuled Gammer gur-tons Nedle: Played onstage, not longeago in Chri-stesCollege in Cambdrige.Made by Mr. S. Mr. of Art.Imprynted at London inFleetstreat beneth the Con-duit at the signe of S. IohnEuangelist by Tho-mas Colwell.

¶ The fyrst Acte.

The fyrst Sceane.

¶ The fyrst Arte. The second Sceane.

¶ The fyrst Acre. The thyrd Sceane.

¶ The fyrest Acte. The .iiii. Sceane.

¶ The .i. Acte. The .v. Sceane.

The ii. Acte.

Fyrste a Songe.

The fyrst Sceane.

The ii. Acte. The ii. Sceane.

The ii. Act. The iii. Sceane.

The ii. Acte. The iiii. Sceane.

The ii. Acte. The v. Sceane.

The iii. Acte.

The i Sceane.

¶ The iii. Acte. ¶ The ii. Sceane.

¶ The iii. Acte. ¶ The iii Sceane.

¶ The iii. Acte. ¶ The iiii. Sceane.

¶ The ii. Acte. ¶ The iiii. Sceane.

The iiii. Act.

The i. Sceane.

The ii. Sceane.

The v. Acte.

The i. Sceane.

¶ The v. Acte. ¶ The ii. Sceane,

A Ryght
Pithy, Pleasaunt and me
rie Comedie: In-
tytuled Gammer gur-
tons Nedle: Played on
stage, not longe
ago in Chri-
stes
College in Cambdrige.

Made by Mr. S. Mr. of Art.

Imprynted at London in
Fleetstreat beneth the Con-
duit at the signe of S. Iohn
Euangelist by Tho-
mas Colwell.